Love comes in many flavours
Whether you’re at the bitter end of a relationship that sunk like the Titanic, you’re in the throes of hot starry-eyed dreaminess, you’re an old salt who’s spent decades in the same relationship or you’re living the sweet single life, there’s only one thing for certain…the moment you’re in right now.
Wherever you’re at, this is it. Instead of wishing for something different or feeling regret—just experience this moment. You can’t rewind and freeze-frame time at some idyllic point or in your imagination. Savour life while the time is ripe.
The bitter truth about relationships
A relationship is a lot like a new bike. Wheeling away from the shop, you’re feelin’ pure bliss. You’ve found your dream bike! You’re going to ride this one for years, you’re sure of it! And like a bike, when a relationship breaks down, it leaves you stranded out in the woods wondering what the F*** happened.
You curse at it and huck your bike down the bank. You expected your bike to be there for you, always. It’s the bikes fault of course, not yours—The fact is the bike did all it could do. It showed up the only way it knew how.
At this point you have several options; you can continue blaming and be upset, you can try to fix it because you feel it’s still exactly what you want, or you can be grateful it helped you grow and become a better rider, but understand it’s run its course.
*If you’re a sweet 20-something knee-deep in your dream wedding scrapbook, you might want to look away NOW. Cause I’m about to burst your bubble.
Forever sounds romantic, but the truth is, for most of us forever doesn’t exist. No one goes into a relationship thinking it’ll end or wanting pain and heartache, but you have no idea what the future holds or how much you may change or evolve as a person in your lifetime.
There’s a lot of emphasis put on that one perfect life-long relationship, creating unrealistic expectations of what one person is capable of being to another. The common assumption that a person, a relationship, marriage, a new house, more money or a few kids will make you happy—leads you down the wrong trail.
KISS Keep it sweet & simple
If only we’d stop chasing the idea of how things should be, we’d have a pretty good time.
It’s simple. Relationships should form through a desire to share friendship, adventure, growth and intimacy. Many people are together for all the wrong reasons; financial stability, insecurity, fear of loneliness, expectations of happiness, kids, to feel “completed” etc.—Sigh
When you change your perspective to see a relationship as two happy individuals who choose to spend a series of moments together, you forget about the things that don’t matter. You’re able to see the forest through the trees. When each person has a strong sense of self, they’re not trying to change each other and they come together because they adore each other and enjoy each other’s company, I think that’s the makings of something special.
Relationships need to be adaptable and fluid and there must be freedom and individuality and respect. Having a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you own them or that he or she owes you. Neither of you owe each other anything and are free to leave at any moment. Any other expectation is your ego, it tries to manipulate as a means to give and receive love.
Become a connoisseur of self
As long as we have no idea who we are, we will depend on others to cater to the whims of our fragile egos. The result is another relationship gone sour.
Food and wine connoisseurs know that increasing knowledge, increases the pleasure we derive from it. For example, the more you know about a wine, the process by which it came to you, the reasons a particular grape was chosen and what pairings make it shine, the more delight you’ll feel consuming it.
The same goes for knowing yourself. You’ve gotta peel back your layers and get to the heart of who you are. The more you learn about your characteristics, your history and your values, the more you’ll appreciate and love yourself, and the better you’ll be at defining what you have to offer and who would best complement you.
When you start living more authentically, choices will be informed by intuition and you’ll feel a resonance inside. It feels easier, more graceful and peaceful. Additionally, you’ll feel confident with sacrificing any relationship, situation or circumstance that violates your truth.
Savour the Moment
Sweet Single Life
When did being single become a disease that everyone wants to get rid of?
If you’re taking a heart break like me, than f-ing own it! Embrace the freedom that being single brings, cause it’s pretty awesome! You’re in a privileged position to make the choices that you truly desire. Nourish the relationships with your friends and dive deep into your passions.
Take this time to get clarity and have some revelations about yourself and your past relationship, then decide what you want. Forget societal expectations and stop worrying about falling behind—it’s better to be single than be with the wrong person.
Sweet Solo Space
Real love is the absence of selfishness, jealously, and possessiveness. If you are wondering if you can trust your lover, you might ask yourself why you are in a relationship in the first place. Couples need solo moments in a relationship so they don’t suffocate each other. Time apart, even living apart is healthy and keeps newness in a relationship. By maintaining your own sense of identity in a relationship it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess. When you decide to have this kind of relationship with someone, there’s equal power, not power maneuvers.
Umami, I found the one!
Umami, also known as “the fifth taste,” is a flavour hard to describe. It’s an entirely unidentifiable thing that makes you want to keep putting fork to mouth.
When you stop worrying and start living authentically and in the moment, you’ll find the ingredients for happiness come together in a harmonious state that feels right for you.
Life and relationships are like savouring a mind blowing umami bite—enjoy it for what it is, for right now, for this moment in time. Choose to be present and grateful for wherever you’re at in life, because you’ll never get this moment back.