Just own it
We’ve all been in this circumstance; setting out on a ride with a friend, you finally reach the trail summit. Aiming your bike down the trail, you send it into the jank. After a short distance you notice your friend stopped, crouched over his bike—blaming his lack of skill on his drivetrain. Maybe you’ve done the same!
When something goes wrong do you immediately want put the fault on something or someone else? Or do you make room for empathy and accountability?
Trail, you hurt me
I was riding the trail and it took me through a dangerous section that made me crash and fracture my rib. That trail is such an a-hole!—sounds retarded doesn’t it? Well, that’s not far off from how we blame other people.
“All men are assholes!” exclaim my female friends. “Women are crazy!” my male friends utter. Ugh. I refuse to perpetuate these frustrating stereotypes that serve no one. Blame is seductive because it makes you right and them wrong. Blame releases your discomfort and pain and it makes you feel like you’re still in control. Blame is one-sided, it’s avoidance and it turns its nose up at compassion. Blame isn’t about understanding what happened, but about making the other person responsible. The truth is, people who feel betrayed only need to look in the mirror. There they will meet the one person who betrayed them the most…
Search your soul
When you blame others, you give up your power to change. If we focus on others we distract ourselves from increasing personal growth. It’s only when you can become autonomous, whole, self-responsible, and self-actualizing can you grasp power over your life and effectively solve your problems.
Whether it’s in sport or life, reaching your potential requires a certain degree of grit. You must be willing and able to tolerate varying kinds and degrees of discomfort, both physical and psychological; reflect, take away the lessons and be open for more. It’s uncomfortable because it involves letting go of ego and flexing muscles that most of us aren’t used to using…
Life is neither fair nor unfair; life just is. Many people are allergic to self-reflection, but awareness is the first step to you soul’s progression. Rather than saying “you hurt me,” “you never respected me” “you should have called me”, try evaluating your part in the situation. Ask yourself: “What’s the lesson here?” “How can I improve my behavior?.” “Did I let myself down?” Admit that you might have created 50% of the problem. You’re not perfect, don’t expect others to be perfect.
Self-pity is a character we play in the story we tell. We believe our pain makes us special and deserving of more attention. Playing the victim role is easy because it makes you feel innocent; and blames others for your pain. Nobody is responsible for your unhappiness but you. This is because you always get to choose how you see things and how you react to things.
Self-empowerment, means retraining reflexes from blaming to accepting responsibility for everything that is happening in your life. As long as we blame others for whatever is not working, we remain stuck in victim mode, unable to initiate change. Stop reacting and urging others to pay for what they allegedly did to you.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. — Eleanor Roosevelt
Having patience and compassion is important, but we shouldn’t let people walk all over us or play a part in our own demise. Self-love means having the strength to set personal boundaries so you can look after yourself while also showing compassion from a distance.
Without self-love, you are dismissive of your needs; you ignore them, while prioritizing the needs of others and giving away your power. By practicing self-love, your ability to identify what is and isn’t good for you will increase. The more you love yourself, the less you’ll tolerate situations that make you feel like crap. You’ll gain the clarity you need to understand what you will and will not accept in your life.
Self-love is something they don’t teach you in school and something that’s very hard to learn without experience. But guess what, it’s okay to love yourself before anyone else! Self-love is so important because when you find yourself crying on the floor a 3am who is going to be there for you? YOU. You’ve gotta pick yourself up and find the strength to forgive yourself, move on and show yourself some compassion.
Be kind, always
Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind? Expressing kindness isn’t about mindless optimism or giving gratuitous compliments, it’s about knowing which words are the most compassionate.
Often hurtful people are the ones that need compassion the most. Although you may not get reciprocation, being kind, seeing people from a compassionate perspective and refusing to resort to negative jabs, could really change a person’s life. Your acts of kindness, though they may not be immediately rewarded, are never wasted. They will sit inside the recipient’s mind, outside the walls of their limiting beliefs, awaiting their awakening.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” — Plato
Remember, there is a beautiful soul at the core of every being. You have the choice to look beyond what seems obvious and external, and understand that people are doing the best that they can from their own level of consciousness. Even those who do bad in the world are doing what they believe is right in some way. Have mercy on others for there will be times when you may find yourself in the opposing position…