The ol’ favourite
After the rainbow, unicorns, and passionate days of falling head-over-heels for each other, the magic of romantic love can often start to wane. So, how can we avoid sendin’ it down the dead end trail? Perhaps friendship should be your trail marker from the start…
Despite getting whacked in the face by red flags, people still cruise towards check-boxes and steamy nights between the sheets as signals for relationship potential. Imagine now that your best friend moved in with you, criticized you for keeping your bike in the living room, demanded you cook meals for them, and flipped out at you any time you discussed your concerns. That friendship would be over faster than Fifty Shades on an e-bike…
As the years go on, most people realize that only a few friends stick around in their lives. These are people who accept each other despite their flaws, mistakes, weird decisions. The relationship is based solely on how well you treat each other, not on how you benefit from them or that they fulfill some inherent need.
Why friendship matters
A friendship-based relationship means honesty comes fairly easily. Having a relationship where the other person knows you and everything about you, means you don’t have to think about what to say. It just comes out naturally. There’s respect for the other person’s perspectives, support for their individuality, accommodation for their freedom and interests outside of the relationship; all creating a stronger foundation for the relationship.
Oftentimes, being with the wrong person means we don’t feel comfortable sharing whatever is passing through our minds. We worry that our deepest concerns would be met with a blank stare, boredom, anger or fear. In friendship-based love, we experience no limits to the depths of care, concern, and consideration. We’re accepted for who we are; flaws and all. We’re safe to reveal our utmost vulnerabilities and quirks, and as we tentatively unravel a story, they are eager to listen as they encourage us to continue when we stumble and hesitate. They are curious and understanding when we share how we came to be the people we are.
Think of a relationship like trail building
Where to build
Where you build is one of the most important factors, get this wrong and you either be making it difficult for yourself, or run the risk of having your trail swiftly destroyed. You’ll also be wise to resist the temptation to rush onto an overgrown trail and try to refurbish it.
Take time to assess the terrain, walk it a lot and explore its nuances before making any major decisions.
Flow with the terrain
Can each of you move freely and naturally with the relationship? Rather than trying to force each other to be something different, a great relationship means you can be yourself together and on your individual trajectory.
You’ll need it to navigate around obstacles as you follow the line of your trail, but that’s part of the fun. Don’t forget to enjoy the journey and all of the effort and time you put into your relationship.
Spending hours hauling dirt and rocks, splitting wood and wielding a shovel can lead to something pretty beautiful. Having spent so many hours of hard work to create this dream trail means you want it to last. And much like a trail, with just a few minutes taken out of your ride each week, you can keep your relationship running smoothly and free of any major problems.