Hello, I am Kula. I eat salmon at sunrise, sprint after squirrel footprints, send it off log drops and roll upside down in the grass with my stuffy, Mr. Beavey.
Apparently I am 10½ years old. Not sure what that means. Mom says biological age is how old your body acts. Yesterday I cleared a four-foot gap jump on our bike ride, so according to my calculations, I am four.
She says something about VO2 max. Sure, I will do VO2 max for a treat! I can also do VO2 down, VO2 back up, VO2 rollover, and VO2 absolutely-not-unless-you-have-banana. She keeps track of my biomarkers, which is obviously how I mark our way on the trails. It’s not as complicated as humans make it.
Apparently I Have a Longevity Protocol
That’s when I lie upside down, stretch my legs very loooong and Mom massages each paw. It’s very technical. We must do it every morning.
Speaking of mornings, I love mornings! You wake up on Mom’s plush bed, receive a complimentary butt scratch and then—BREAKFAST!
I love food.
Mom puts a lot of toppings on my breakfast, it takes forever, like she is performing a science experiment. I have to wait patiently while leaving little death traps of drool across the kitchen floor. My drool keeps Mom on her toes and adds an element of danger to her morning, which I think keeps Mom young. You’re welcome, Mom.
And then, I hear the mountain bike coming out and I am like—OH MY GOD, WE ARE GOING FAST IN THE FOREST! Trails! Creeks! Smells! Moss! Logs! Rocks we go down for FUN!
I like to send it. I particularly like sending it when Mom is behind me yelling something about slowing down because I am ten. Ten and a half, actually. Apparently that makes me a “senior Labrador.” Excuse me, it’s Señorita Labrador. Also, I thought I was Canadian, but anyway.
I’m Hooked on Brain Health
Mom says one of the secrets to staying young is keeping your brain stimulated—learning things, being curious, solving problems, staying interested in the world. I am currently solving the problem of how to get a whole salmon into my mouth. Mom calls this cognitive enrichment. I call it knowing where your food comes from.
OH MY GOD. I LOVE FISHING! When Mom’s fly rod comes out, I become very serious. I have studied the river. I know the pools, the seams and the tailouts. I stand perfectly still and wait for a fish to drift into range. (This requires tremendous patience.) Eventually, one comes close enough. Then—POUNCE!
Yes, I have learned how to catch fish myself. I quite enjoy Chum because they’re not as smart as the Coho. Mom starts yelling, “Kula! Leave the fish!” This is confusing because she brought an entire fishing rod for herself. I just want to be like you, Mom.
People wonder what my anti-aging secret is
Not sure. Ask Mom. There is something you need to understand about my Mom. She knows everything. She pays extremely close attention to me. Honestly, it can be a little much. She’s always watching my stride. My breathing. How I am walking.
Mom and I have about the same resting heart rate. She says this means we have good “athletic conditioning”.
Apparently we are twins. I am definitely the better-looking one.
She watches me, and I watch for squirrels! Mom says she is “being attuned” to me. I call it, “Could you stop staring at me and get the bike?!”. FFS it’s like she knows if one of my hairs is out of place! She knows if I put slightly more weight on one paw. She knows if I get out of bed half a second slower than usual. Sometimes I am lying peacefully across the room when her eyes suddenly shift ⅛ of an inch. Her breathing changes slightly. I feel it immediately… SHIT. SHE IS COMING TO INSPECT ME.
I run away. Mom says, “Kula, it’s okay. I just want to look at you.” This is exactly what someone planning an invasive inspection would say. Suddenly she is poking my paws, looking inside my ears, examining my teeth and asking why I am “standing like that.” I was standing normally until she made it weird.
It is in this moment that I activate my emergency manoeuvre. Front paws down. Butt in the air. Brief handstand, vaulting out of her arms and make my escape. Mom calls this “being difficult.” I call it functional fitness. VO₂ max, probably.
Apparently she is caring. Very invasive caring. But I suppose I am grateful. When I need Mom she is there, to hold my paw while I barf. She knows the difference between my happy pant, my hot pant and my something-is-wrong pant. She knows when I stop because I found an important smell and when I stop because I need a break. She knows how to use a leaf for an emergency grassy-bum rescue when I come racing out of the bushes doing circles. She knows when I am feeling sendy and when something feels slightly off. She never makes me run hard just because she wants to finish a ride. She changes our speed, distance and trail depending on what I need.
Maybe that is part of why I still feel so young. I am always being noticed.
A big dose of love
Mom says love is good for stress, the nervous system and probably a bunch of other longevity thingies. I don’t know about any of that, but I can tell you that Mom does NOT measure love with a teaspoon. I receive love in extremely high doses. Is there such a thing as overdose? We should double check that. She insists on approximately 400 hugs per day—including mandatory trail hugs—plus a relentless stream of positive affirmations about how beautiful, smart and perfect I am. I know, Mom. I was there.
When it’s cold, she warms my blankie in the dryer. She carries water for me everywhere we go. Once she brought an umbrella fishing so I didn’t have to stand in the rain. She makes sure I’m comfortable, checks whether I’m too hot or too tired, and generally behaves as though my happiness is a full-time position she was appointed to. If love happens to be anti-aging, I should be approximately immortal.
We optimize our sleep
Mom says we need sleep for brain health, muscle recovery and staying youthful. Speaking of full, I am never full. Which is why I sleep with one eye open. I wake up at snack o’clock every day. No alarm required.
Apparently sleep is good for your appearance too. Makes sense. I take my beauty sleep very seriously—I mean look at me, the evidence is compelling. My sleep optimization is dialed. I have no problem reaching REM—Ready to Eat More comes pretty naturally to me.
Mom says I have to live to be at least 27
I will go with whatever mom wants, because she said that’s why I get raw salmon and venison, with all those toppings added.
I protest about whether the salmon portion could be larger. But alas, I will manipulate her later into a fourth meal and some of hers too. I think part of staying young is maintaining persistence. I don’t give up.
In case you were wondering, I have a list of all the toppings she gives me. I mean they go down my gullet so fast it’s hard to keep track, but I am pretty sure these are the ones. I also get some of Mom’s Green Smoothie and a variety of snacks such as carrots, banana (yes!), blueberries, apples, and well, whatever I can get really.
Senior Labrador Longevity Protocol
1 tsp Ground Flaxseed
First comes a teaspoon of sprouted ground flax. Mom says it has fibre, lignans and omega-3s and helps my coat and my poop. Well, I do enjoy a good poop. Zoomies are faster post-poop.
1 tsp MCT oil
Then comes 1 tsp MCT oil. Apparently this makes ketones, which my brain can use for fuel. Mom became especially interested in this after I started having seizures a long time ago. Now I only have one seizure a year so I am happy with that.
Broccoli sprouts
Then she adds broccoli sprouts. I LOVE broccoli sprouts. They taste like forest. Mom says they contain sulfora-something and talks about cellular defence pathways, antioxidants and healthy aging. Whatever Mom, just load me up!
Purica Recovery
2 teaspoons per day. Glucosamine, MSM and hyaluronic acid for my joints, cartilage and connective tissues. This helps keep the hinges moving when I launch myself into the gnar.
Taurine
2 capsules per day. For my heart, muscles, vision, and nervous system. Mom says taurine is especially worth paying attention to for my seizures too.
Curcumin
3 capsules per day. For inflammation, antioxidant support to help my post-ride recovery. It is golden, like me. This is the part I understand.
CoQ10
2 capsules per day. Mom says it helps my little cellular power stations make energy and protects hard-working things like my heart and muscles. Apparently I need this for endurance on steep terrain. Mom says I am Co-Cute all the time.
Creatine (Creapure)
About 3 grams per day. For muscle energy, brain health, keeping my senior-dog glutes shredded and shoulders powerful.
High-EPA fish oil
1 teaspoon per day. For my joints, brain, heart and a gloriously fishy breakfast.
L-carnitine
⅛ teaspoon, 2–3 days per week. It helps turn fat into usable energy and supports my heart and muscles. In athletic retrievers, studies show it significantly lowers muscle breakdown rates after heavy exercise and reduces post-exertion soreness and oxidative stress.
L-Glycine
1/2 teaspoon in the evening. For collagen, connective tissues, antioxidant production, calm evening nervous system, and a restorative sleep.
Magnesium L-threonate or bisglycinate
1 capsule in the evening. For muscle relaxation, cardiac rhythm, and nerve calming, I guess it helps active and aging dogs release physical tension and maintain steady cellular energy.
Water
She tops off my meals with 3/4 c of water because she says it’s good for my kidneys and hydration. I drink out of creeks. We have very different approaches. My doctor said I have exceptional kidney function, I guess that is good.
Turkey Tail mushroom broth
Mom and I forage for Turkey Tail mushrooms sometimes. She says it’s good for my immune modulation and is a powerful gut microbiome, prebiotic, anti-cancer support. I like the sniffing, she does the picking.
Dirt
I also supplement independently with forest dirt: wild soil-based probiotics, trace minerals and ancestral microbiome diversity. Usually 5 bites is my standard dosing.
Staying young is having fun!
I get good food, interesting smells, soft beds, ridiculous amounts of love and a mom who notices when one hair is out of place. I think mostly though, we just have lots of fun together. A longevity protocol, as far as I can tell, is simply a life you’re wildly excited to wake up for.
And I am.
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